leave me broken

Once I was dead. But You found me and made me alive. I came up, like a miner from the underground, squinting at the suddenness of light. You washed me in blood, healed the sickness of shame, and convinced me of love. So much. You’ve done so much. I see it.  Mostly in glances stolen from my intent stare at me, and what still needs to be done.

Then today came and You did something new. You closed my eyes to the reflection of me in my various stages of disrepair, and opened them to a different reflection. I saw it there, behind the mirror.

Me. Desperately clinging to You. That’s my hand with a death grip on the hem of Your robe. Me. Hiding behind You from an enemy I couldn’t see, but knew was there, calling for my destruction.  Me. Trying to keep my feet in line with Yours. Touching Your scars in wonder. Not caring that I was still a mess. Just wanting, needing to stay close, to listen intently, to watch Your every movement. Me. Wanting You with everything in me.

I saw it and remembered. Desperation. Adoration. Unquenchable love.

I saw it and a prayer formed, rushing into me like brand new breath.

Oh God. Leave me broken.

Help me walk straight, but leave me with a limp. I need to need grace.

Strengthen my weak knees, but leave them bent. I need my face close to the ground at Your feet. Life is better there.

Train my hands for war. Make them strong enough to grip Your hand, but leave them too weak to hold my own life.

Help me walk with confidence and authority, but with enough insecurity to keep me hiding behind You.

Give my eyes vision, but keep it dim so that I don’t look past You.

Heal my heart, but leave it aching for those who still need to be convinced of love.

Once I was dead. But You found me and You made me alive…washed me in blood, healed the sickness of shame, and convinced me of love. 

Don’t stop. Refine me. Restore me. Baptize me with fire. Revive me. Make me whole.

Just leave me broken.

8 thoughts on “leave me broken

  1. Wow! In a world where we are surrounded by things that tell us to focus on getting everything we want, God calls us to ask for what He wants. Sometimes it’s so hard to do, to push this world away and focus on His agenda. You’re right. We need to be broken, to be continually reminded that we are not all that, that we are finite, human, weak, easily lost and lead astray. We have to rely completely on His glorious name. I like that you included the woman who clung to Jesus’ robe. So often I feel like that, clinging to a thread, afraid that at any moment I’ll lose hold and fall apart. And God is always faithful. I think true surrender to God is when you accept that part of God’s plan for you will not include a perfect life; you will be hurt, you will face cruelty and injustice (and you will do it to others), you will be broken…but it is all to get you to Heaven, to eternal life with Him. His love is that great; He will break you here on this earth to prepare you for life with Him. He wants us there so much that His heart, His Creator, Forgiver, Merciful heart will watch us suffer because He knows its the only way we will be ready for His Kingdom.

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  2. How absolutely poignant. It brought tears to my eyes because I am a broken Christian at times. Like Jacob, He’s left me with a limp after some long wrestling matches. I can’t wait to read your archives. Grace & Peace, Sandy

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